So no news here--it's still freezing in Saskatchewan. Why do I always feel the need to intro our chats with Weather Updates?? It's definitely the prairie girl in me...weather is a big deal around these parts!
Anyway. With the cold weather we find ourselves cooped up indoors, which I've realized is incredibly draining on me when I am around my kids 24/7, and don't make time for some alone time for myself or spend time outdoors on a daily basis.
I've recently had such a huge moment of clarity around what is happening when we get naggy, impatient, annoyed and try to control people in our lives (raise your hand if you're guilty as charged--ME!). We are trying to exert that external control on others because we don't feel good. What we need to be doing instead of trying to muscle the people around us is taking time to focus 100% on ourselves. We need to focus on INTERNAL control.
But this requires HUGE EFFORT! And why is that? Because we have to overcome all sorts of guilt, limiting beliefs, and fears around putting ourselves first and making ME time a priority.
Now you've got 2 options here:
1. You can hack the system, and just push up against the EGO and parts of you that are telling you that "it's just possible" or "I don't have enough time" or "they need me. The whole world will fall apart if I'm not there!"
(side note: Mel Robbins book 5 Second Rule is a good hack.)
OR you can
2. Create a strong vision of the life you want to be living and stay connected to WHO that person is and HOW she shows up.
(It's so simple when it's said in a sentence, but this is real work---that's why it's lasting work.
Obviously, the best thing to do is both of these: Create a strong vision for your life and push back against the EGO that is trying to keep you small.
If we only do #1 and push up against the EGO, dig our heels in and use this "willpower" to do it, we usually only see the results we want (aka. Feel good) for the short term.
How many times have you been sick up and fed, and said "That's it! I need some me time!" and maybe you went on a girls weekend, or you stuck to the exercise plan for 6 months. All of these things are amazing, but are ultimately just you using this "willpower" that to push back against the hardwired Ego that's trying to keep you "safe". Being fed up is a putting the focus on what you don't want, and you craft your actions accordingly. It's really hard to stay motivated and on track when your vision is focused on what you don't want in your life.
For lasting change you need to be living in the space of internal control every single day, and the easiest way to do that is to create a vision of who you want to be every single day as parent, partner, employee, friend, brother, sister, daughter, son, and all the other things you belong to and roles you play that light you up.
So what is it that you want to be experiencing?
How can you start taking control of your life to be living the life that you want to be living?
Once you get clear on that, it will be easier to get clear on what those daily rituals and non-negotiable activities will be so you can have that "you" time every single day, and be the person you are meant to be.
Send me a note back at firstname.lastname@example.org with what resonates with you!
Photo by Ben Blennerhassett on Unsplash